Vanity Festival Highlights

.....I think I've found out what the V stands for in 'V FESTIVAL'. It can't be Virgin because I doubt that anyone in the mass crowd who decended on Stafford and Chelsford last weekend was a virgin by the end of the 3 day long flirt and underage sex fest. No, I have come to believe that it instead stands for vanity. I'm watching the highlights show and can't help but think that either the camera men and editors of the show have the best job in the world and are told to only focus on the most attractive girls in the audience, or that the whole sodding feild is full of living, walking vain idiots. Well, it is a bit of both, but mainly the latter, as all of them are to dahm pretty to even understand that the point of a MUSIC festival is, um, the MUSIC! But, wait, hang on a second, it can't even be that simple. My arguement here is completely undermined by the clear fact that there is no music at V. I mean, there are bands and singers and stuff, but none of them are ommiting any form of credible 'music'. They are all shite! Seriously!
This is made even all the more desturbing when you consider the fact that this melodic shift has only taken place over the last few years. I actually attended V Festival in 2006 when there was actual music being played by bands such as The Divine Comedy, Rufus Wainwright, Beck, Imogen Heap and, of course, Radiohead! This collective has unfortunatly been replaced with the likes of Paulo Nutini (insert sad face), The Wombats (insert angry face) and Alisha fucking Dixon (insert unimpressed bored face that is being forced to look at an untalented, unatractive woman prancing about trying to formulate words). Oh, and the Enemy who must be good because they just slagged off Keane, which in turn must make them all the more superior, um, No!!!! You see what the Enemy have just done is to confuse brilliant well crafted music, i.e. Keane, with their own pathetic excuse for noise. How dare they! Idiots!!! And also, what are they meant to be an enemy of exactly? Probably talent, or musicallity, or evolution. No wonder Oasis pulled out of performing at the festival. They could probably smell the shit of the place a mile off. Either that or there simply wasn't enough room for another shit excuse for a rock band in the lineup. True story!
But it's not just the bands that are stuck up their own arses. The entire audience, primarily made up of 14 year olds are all as clean as a whistle, with every hair in place and not a single speck of dirt to be seen anywhere, not even on there beforementioned arses! This cannot be normal. And this is why they are all idiots! They are at a festival, where one would usually embrace the whole festival atosphere, and have instead to don the most fashionable atire and stayed well clear of any rain, mud and instead have suspended themselves in a state of hybonation in their tents, or cleansing bubbles, where every morning more of them are spawed, into the fresh grass, under the pure sun. If this isn't true, then they must just be sooo dahm vain that they have purposly manufactured themselves to look and act as if it were true.
Either way, they are easily fooled, misguided idiots! Oh fuck it!, and their ugly!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!
I do like Calvin Harris though...................