PHOTO ALBUMS (SPOTLIGHT): Filter - Take A Picture

 

6^th November 2017

I looked at myself in the gift shop's mirror. Physical signs had not yet presented themselves. But, at this moment, the pressure, that had been bubbling away just below the surface, seemed to have finally subsided. Over the course of the day, months of worry, anxiety, and fear had disappeared and had left me comfortably empty. I was older, but I was free - free of the shackles, self-imposed 11 months previous, in an act of desperation. Was it happiness I was feeling? I think so, at least, it certainly felt like it. Then again, it had been such a long time, I'd forgotten how it felt.

In January of 2017, the realization that I was to turn 30 years old in November of that year slapped me hard in the face. I began to reflect upon my position in life and recall the plethora of wrong, or misguided, decisions that had led me there. I looked and found nothing to sufficiently justify my time here; I had no credible accomplishments, nor did I have anything of value to offer. I felt ashamed and small. Riddled with regret, I set to making a plan for how I would see in my 30^th year, in an attempt to redeem myself. I knew it had to be special. Something good. Something memorable.

I would often feel stupid for feeling so daunted and so constricted by this fear. Yet, I also felt so compelled to strive to better myself, in time for the November deadline. I, therefore, ultimately decided to visit some close friends of mine in Toronto, in an attempt to vindicate the importance of the occasion. I had made no further plans than that and just assumed that we would spend the time drinking, heavily. I had exhausted all of my will-power on the decision and had, in turn, succumbed to small-mindedness and a complete lack of imagination.

I was, therefore, pleasantly and thoroughly overjoyed when my friends surprised me with a trip to Niagara Falls.

So, there I was, on my 30^th birthday, at Niagara Falls.

We had spent that afternoon exploring the Falls and we were now in one of the many gift-shops located at the border with America. While wandering through the jungle of novelty items, a distant song floated across the room, from the store's stereo, and tugged at my senses. A song that was so familiar, yet unplaceable. I was sure that I knew the song, but I desperately searched my memories in an attempt to try to recall what the song was, and exactly how I knew it. Something in my mind made a connection to something cinematic. The mystery song had a sparse and wafting quality to it that somehow evoked thoughts and conjured images of 'release', 'abandon', and 'youthful exuberance'. This, of course, seemed very fitting, on this particular day.

I honestly couldn't help but attribute the same themes to my own feelings, at that moment. There had been such a self-enforced build-up of pressure and meaning leading up to this day, and yet, ultimately, it had all been rather unnecessary. Not only because of the small passage of time that saw my 29^th year bleed into my 30^th, but also because it all just seemed so inconsequential, by comparison.

Everything in this place had chosen not to be governed by such trivialities, such as birthdays, ceremony or social pressures, and would go on forever in blissful ignorance. The water pouring over the rocks paid no mind to the passage of time, so why did I, and, why did I dedicate so much of my time to such an aimless endeavour. Standing at the Falls and breathing in the natural air, looking around, I came to realise just how small and insignificant my fears had been. I felt a sudden burst of release. The shackles were loose, finally. The happiness began flooding in and I felt content and safe. I felt alive and I hoped in desperation that the feeling would never leave me.

I, ultimately, established that the mystery song was in fact 'Take A Picture' by the band Filter, and that I only knew it from a vague recollection of a scene from a film I'd once seen, The Girl Next Door (2004). In said scene, the song plays over a montage of moments, which depict how the two central characters are 'falling in love'. I assumed that this somewhat explained my affiliations to the aforementioned feelings of 'release', 'abandon', and 'youthful exuberance'.

'Take A Picture' flows along with a comfortable and soothing tone and has a charming way of lifting one's spirits and senses, as it drifts along. The echoed guitars and heavily effected atmospherics, along with the coherent and, yet, emotional feel of the vocals, really creates a dream-like blanket of sound, making one feel free, as if floating softly through the ether. Furthermore, with the provocative chorus “Could you take my picture/ 'Cause I won't remember?”, I found it extremely easy to attach the sentiment to my own circumstances.

The interpretation I drew, that day at the Falls, was that I wanted to capture that moment, for posterity, just in case I later didn't remember, or even worse, if I couldn't believe that it had actually happened. And, so intense were my anxieties, leading up to that day, that I genuinely thought that I could, potentially, forget the happiness, or even lose the revelation that I had landed upon.

So, now, when I hear 'Take A Picture', I don't just think of The Girl Next Door (although, it is a classic!), and I don't just think of Niagara Falls, but I am also reminded of the magical healing quality of music, and also of nature and how, sometimes, all it takes is the perfect combination of the two to make you feel joy, and to set you free.

A smile breaks, as the irony dawns upon me.