The heavy, automated train doors opened with a squeal, and the few of us waiting on the platform filed into the carriage. I found an empty seat, sat down, positioned my suitcase and satchel bag on the floor, around me. The subway train doors closed and the train began to move. I adorned my headphones and loaded up Mellow Gang's Play EP on my mobile phone.
I had spent the preceding week in Toronto, celebrating my 30th birthday. Staying with friends for the duration, I was filled with the warmth of memories and companionship. The week had been full of excitement, parties, drinking, and unforgettable adventures. Fifteen minutes previous, I had said an emotional goodbye to two of my close friends, and now, here I was, alone on a subway train, heading west across the city to the airport. The sadness came quickly. I was drenched in emotion within seconds and hid my face in the collar of my jacket, attempting to hide my tears from the other commuters in the carriage. My tears spoke not only of longing but of dread, as I processed the prospect of the near-24 hour-long journey ahead of me, back to the UK, alone. Twenty four hours imprisoned in my solitude.
Attempting to combat this fear, I cycled through my memories of the week, coasting across the multitude of feelings that had been conjured by the dazzle and charm of the great times I had experienced and been treated to. Through further tears, I came to realise that this had been somewhat ill-advised. Alas, I preceded to instead think back to events from the weeks, and months that had led up to my trip to Canada, in November of 2017. This would also prove to be in vain. At least, however, it allowed me to re-connect with my reality outside of this particular week. It somehow allowed me to connect to some semblance of normality to a time before all the dizziness.
One such event had been the Ritual Union festival, which had taken place in Oxford in October of that year. A few friends and I had attended the festival, which showcased a wide assortment of, predominantly, indie-rock/ post-rock artists. We saw many interesting acts that day, but the one that truly captivated us the most was the London-based outfit, Mellow Gang. Following their performance, I purchased a copy of their 4-track digital release, Play EP, and had taken to listening to it on repeat. The EP had a charming quality to it, which took me back to the enjoyment and pleasure I felt while seeing the band perform the tracks live in Oxford.
And, then, there I was, a month later, crying on the train, once again allowing the EP to transport me to a happier place, somewhere more comforting.
Play EP features four tracks, all of a dream-like quality. Mellow Gang's washed-out, guitar and synthesized indie sound wafts gracefully through the brief selection and truly makes for a lovely taste of escape. The tracks, however, vary very slightly in tone. For example, 'Lagoon – Solina' strolls with confidence and perkiness, and stands as possibly the most 'upbeat' sounding track on the EP. Whereas, the EP's closer, 'Mirrored', is more of a brooding and slightly prickly moan into the stratosphere.
I would, however, like to draw special attention to the haunting, yet sensual, opening track, 'My Last', which builds at such a satisfying pace. I specifically remember feeling like I was in a dream, sitting there, alone, on the train, with this song floating through my head. That is not to say that the song in any way enhanced my sadness at that moment. Not at all. Instead, it gave a somewhat meditative context to my feelings, allowing me to reflect upon my situation in a broader sense. I began to view myself, in that space, in the cinematic – I was a character going through a contemplative process, my mind spreading across vast distances in space and time, while traveling in the physical sense, aboard the subway train. The Play EP had become trans-formative.
I'm quite sure that I am not the first person to be overwhelmed with sadness on a train, nor am I the first to grasp for the sanctuary of memories, to heal deep wounds. But, I feel that my experience stands as a testament to that oft-referenced, magical quality within music – the quality to bend time and space and to carry us through from the darkness, towards the light. Quite the praise for a little EP, from an up-and-coming London based indie-rock band? Well yes, I think that's justified. After all, surely it doesn't matter how grand, intricate, and heavily-crafted a piece of music is - whether the art is complex or simple in its nature, is it not enough for it to simply be effective?
I cannot honestly deny the effectiveness of Play EP by Mellow Gang, nor it's effect on me, that day in Toronto. To have one's mind, in all it's infinite expense, be so wonderfully nurtured and comforted, deep underground, in a tin box, moving quickly beneath the earth is no small task. The journey within and without.
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